Paintballs are Not Good Dog Food

The other day, I am sitting on my couch, reading a book, when my husband walks in. We are chatting about something or other when he starts peering oddly at something over my shoulder. I turn around slowely to see orange spatter across my wall. Odd, to say the least. We investigate further, and find a handful of orange paintballs that have fallen behind our antique trunk/corner coffee table. Right about then I notice both of our, normally energetic and cuddly, dogs slinking off down the hallway. Now, our dogs have a minor obssesion with balls, so a ball, thats squishy, AND squirts if you bite it, I understand the draw. Today, when I got home, my dogs were peeking out of the curtains, very happy to see me, waging their little tails. That would be cute, except that my dogs are not supposed to be peeking out of the living room window. They are supposed to be secure in the kitchen, behind a baby gate. (yes, they are that small, yes, they still qualify as dogs) Add to my dismay, I already knew that there was going to be a mess to clean up, since, well... paintballs are not quality dog food. (no, I do not have a paintball gun, so then why do I have paintballs? I do not know!) When I got in the house, a mess is an understatement. There are many puddles, ranging in orange shades from apricot to tangarine across my kitchen, and one particularily large one that started on the couch, and ended on the area rug, at least it was a pale shade. I tip toe through the kitchen assessing the damage, and getting the mop bucket, only to discover that using the back of my couch and a viewing window between the kitchen and living room, they have been on my counter. And accompanying the orange rainbow on the floor, is a broken glass, that had been full of water. Now, now I can't mop the floor because of the glass, I can't vaccum the glass because of the puddles, I can't even pick up all the glass, and manage to avoid all the puddles. The dogs, mean time, smartly dissappeared into the deep grasses of the back yard within moments of my opening the door. To my amazement, the orange did not stain the floor, or the leather of the couch, and much to my relief, it seems that they at least got it all over with in one foul shot. But had you come to visit me that day... I would have happily given you two very cute Daschunds, at no charge what so ever. Who knew that paintballs taste good enough to eat, they smell awful, but that may have been the combination of... contents that I was smelling. I doubt I will ever go paintballing again.

What's in a name?

We all have our OCD tendencies, who knows how they start, but they become a part of us. I will not buy a broken chocolate bar. And...

There is an entire set of rules to name an animal at my house. I don't know if I would be the same about naming a child. I know that any child of mine would have four names, a hand-me-down name, a name all of their own and a very old name, then the family name. And the acronym must not spell anything suggestive, or rude. Thats just asking for them to get teased. So, maybe I would be just as bad about a kids name.

Anyway, our first pet was a our cat. She has lovely blue eyes, mostly white, with patches of brown and tan, a very long dark tail and dark ears. I named her Cappuccino. A vague reference to her coloring, and an original name. And yes, I did name all our animals, my husband didn't really care, and he didn't want to be caught up in my crazy naming methods. After that we were given a grey striped, blue eyed cat. He was already named Ditty, because their daughter had found him and she couldn't say 'kitty' properly. That worked, it was cute, had a story, it started with a different letter then the first, and had different sounds all through it. Sometime or other, I was given my first horse, he was already named Boogie. That would not do, I don't do mucus of any way shape or form. But I couldn't re-name a gift, so it was just Boo. And it matched well, he was a silly, spooky horse, and again, the first letter and the sounds were different. Then I bought a tiny little puppy, she was so cute! Thing is, I didn't ask to buy her, I just bought her, and my husband? Welll he was less then pleased with me, but I picked a name to suck up... Cadillac! It did suit her, a long shiny, black dachshund. And, in the long run, my hubby was pretty easy to win over. In the spring our dog Shadow (didn't name her) had puppy's and my husband claimed the only brown one in the litter, she became Rootbeer. But now all of the pets I had named had double letters, and there were two 'C's and two drink references *tsk tsk* At least they were all names I had never heard before. I bought a horse, Tia, I only had her for a little while, already named, and a name that worked. And an old girl, so I wouldn't change it on her. But, when I bought my next horse, I thought very carefully. He was already named too, but he was too flashy for the simple name he had been given. A beautiful sorrel (red) with bright white blaze, socks, and belly, full dark red mane and tail. He carried his head high, his tale flagged, stepped like he was dancing all the time. I had some ideas, but nothing would stick, then I drove by a sign for one of my favorite places...Jasper! It was perfect, a semi-precious, red stone, with strengthening properties. It started and ended with new letters! I was dissapointed later to here someone had named their dog, Jasper, another named their kid Jasper. By then it was too late though. Over the next couple year we had a few animals; a sorrel paint named I named Tagger, then renamed Tango to get rid of the 'R' ending and another double letter. A fancy white kitten with an attitude, Cleopatra(damned C's I started paying closer attention to the first letter after that.)A pretty piebald(B&W) mare with blue eyes that I named Monday because thats when she arrived at my house, and a nod to her eyes and prettiness(Blue Monday, Monday's Child) Then I got a black puppy, with speckled feet, I called her Peppermint. There is big palomino paint I bought with a name I didn't like. He is a big boy, thick and beautiful, after much consideration I tagged him Felix, it means warrior, and I had decided I liked a shortish name for my horses. A black curly haired puppy who is called Rizz, sometimes Rizzy, Rizzo, Rizado, named so because rizado is curly in spanish. I know, another double, but the name also needs to be original and relate to the animal in some way! Another dachshund was given to us, already named Happy, I really, really tried to find something that suited her better then that, but to no avail. She is a very happy little dog, and my husband said he liked it the way it was. (grrr, more doubles!) Diva was an old mare that was given to me, named for her attitude, another "D" but it was short, had a 'V' which was new, besides she was old enough that I wouldn't change it. When I bought a colt named "Mark" that was just too boring, and he became Eliot instead, because it was a cute name and followed all of the letter rules. I bought a horse named Horse, that wasn't gonna last. He's B&W, like a cow, so going through dairy cow names I hit salers, brown cows, but oh well, with an adjustment he is Sailor. It's a stretch I know, but it works. Hey, now three of the horses have an 'L' in the middle, how did I not notice that?

Keep in mind that I didn't have all these animals at the same time, I only ever had five horses once, and two were being sold. I never had more then three dogs at once, or three cats at once. The animal numbers peaked at five horses, three dogs and two cats.


Currently my husband and I own cats: Cappuccino and Ditty, dogs: Cadillac, Rizz and Happy, horses: Felix, Diva, and Sailor. I love all of the names individually, but as a group, the rules are not followed all the way. There are too many double letters now, and too many 'L's, two 'D's, two 'Y' endings and two 'S' sounding endings.

Now, my mom has given me her kitten, an adorable chocolate brown tuxedo, with white framing his nose. (doing his best to interupt my typing as we speak) His name was Dexter first, which breaks all my rules with a 'D' 'X' and 'R' ending. Mom renamed him Rowdy because, well, he IS! But that is another 'R' 'D' and 'Y' ending. . I need an ending of 'N' or 'T', I'm thinking Nougat, or something to do with his brown tux. No, not Tux... it has an 'X'. Wait, John Legend wore a brown tux to the Academy Awards...hmm, Legend? What about famous tuxedos, Bond? Brosnan? Or tux brands, styles....
With three dogs, three horses and three cats... I am going to miss my naming process. It will be a while before I can go through the labourous decision, the research, consideration and labelling. *sigh*